a series of unfortunate events

Let me recount to you the truly sad story of what happened to me when I tried to get to Ham's house the other night. (Note: she moved to a new house a couple weeks ago.)
So I parked in front of her "house", walked right up to the door, and rang the doorbell. It was ten o'clock, mind you. I suddenly got this feeling like wait....I am not 100 percent sure if this is Ham's house. Bad feeling. Through the window I saw an old woman's fluffy grey head coming up the stairs and succumbed to that feeling of "just get out of here before you truly humiliate yourself" because I was pretty sure that Ham's grandma wasn't living with her and was probably on an Indian rez somewhere and if she was living with her she would probably look a lot more Native than this woman did and so run-walked back to Edward. I jumped in and noticed that the poor old white non-Native lady who I had probably woken up had turned the porch light off. What sass.
So I called Ham and asked her where the crud I was. She said that she would come outside and look for me. I was pretty sure that her house was on a corner but I could have been wrong so I got out of my car and started walking to the neighboring house. Two people came out the front door and I said "WELL HELLO GUYS!" and guess what. It was two strangers. They said "....heeeey" real awkwardly and I said "Ohhh I'm at the wrong house." And even though I was obviously heading in the wrong direction I just kept walking because I couldn't stand how coincidentally ridiculous that just was. Seriously. How does that happen? So I decide to finally turn around and start walking to Edward again and the two strangers that I had mortified myself in front of drove past me in a car and I tried not to think about what they must be thinking of oblivious old me and thought instead about how glad I was that it was dark so if I ever saw them again they wouldn't point and laugh.
So I call Ham again and start jibbering and she said "What? I can't hear you. What?" about ten times. I got to my car. And the bloody car alarm went off. It would not stop for ten eons. Echoing about the neighborhood and making the biggest ruckus.
I did finally get to Ham's house. The end.